If there’s a day I can’t wait for it’s a day that I don’t think about Hodgkin’s Lymphoma once. I can’t wait for a time when this disease won’t consume most of my thoughts! I know that time is coming. I know that I am nearing the end of my treatment, but it all seems so surreal. This has been my life for almost 6 months now: A week of not feeling great in bed and then a week of recovering only to be subjected to the same routine all over again. Being unsure of things and questioning my prognosis even when told it’s good has also been a struggle.
No matter how well things seem like they’re going it’s impossible not to have a tiny bit of doubt in the back of your mind and that’s what I feel like I’ve been going through lately. It’s hard not to obsess over every little thing going on in your body and lately I’ve had a heightened sense of awareness of everything. Every little itch I get drives me crazy because I know that itching is a symptom of HL. Logically, I know there are a million reasons for occasionally getting an itch, like too much sun or dry skin, a mosquito bite or whatever, but still it’s an awful feeling to analyze every “off” feeling you have and associate it with the disease. I hope this is something I can overcome and I’m confident that I will in time. Right now I just feel like I’m in this odd transitioning stage. It’s like I’m in between being “sick” and being “better” and my mind can’t decide where I am! For now, that’s okay.