It’s been 4 months since I was first diagnosed. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck in some weird dream that will never end, but in retrospect the 4 months has really gone by pretty quickly.
These past 4 months have been the biggest learning experience of my life. When your life changes so drastically you’re forced to adapt. This is something I never thought I’d be able to handle, but here I am handling it. It’s definitely not easy and there are a lot of times that it feels close to impossible, but there really is no other choice but to be strong when faced with obstacles that are out of your hands.
In the beginning I remember feeling eerily calm about the whole situation. Sure there was the initial shock of being diagnosed with this disease, but I was pretty positive and comfortable that everything would work out. I was embracing change as it came and felt prepared to take on the challenge of battling this disease. Negative thoughts were pretty far from my mind at this point.
After a few rounds of chemo my attitude changed a little bit. The side effects I was enduring definitely put a damper on my positive attitude. I started to become anxious and even a little bit negative. I remember questioning if the treatment would even work and the ‘what ifs’ began to set in.
After I got my first clean pet scan my positivity started to come back. I felt confident and much better about the way things were going. I felt a little less anxious in general and truly embraced my good weeks. It was beginning to get easier for me and before I knew it I was half way done with treatment.
A couple days before my last round I noticed something that felt like a lump right near the same spot where the cancer was first found. Of course I freaked out and suddenly everything felt like it was falling apart. I assumed the worst and couldn’t get past the idea that everything was going wrong. My oncologist wasn’t concerned about the lump, he was pretty confident that I was feeling was dead cancer cells. He said I didn’t need any testing. As much as I wanted to trust his words I remembered back when I first had testing for the lump I found a year ago. My doctors kept reassuring me that it was probably nothing. I even had a needle biopsy done which came back negative. When the lump actually turned out to be Hodgkin Lymphoma I felt let down - so of course it’s still hard for me sometimes to believe that everything is okay even when told that by professionals. Because of this, my doctor agreed to letting me get another pet scan done, just to be sure. I got the results today - clean scan! This was relieving.
I have 8 rounds of chemo down and 4 more to go before treatment is over. I feel like my positive attitude is starting to come back. I’m looking forward to being done with this and moving on with my life. I’m starting to feel excited about it and I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
This September I’m participating in the “Light The Night Walk”. Lately I’ve been trying to focus on raising money for this walk. The walk is September 30th, right around the end of my treatment. I’m excited to be helping and doing my part in raising money for this cause.
Lately I’ve been trying to take each day as it comes. The whole process of fighting this has it’s ups and downs. Some days are really good and others are scary and daunting. I think the key is to keep in mind that “this too shall pass”.
My sister and I during my 8th round of chemo.